Life of a Pirate Hunter
by L-chan the Great
Summary: Seduction is just one of the many requirements of the job. As is the pirates you cross in your path to revenge coming back into your life and screwing up your job. It doesn't matter if the job was failing anyway, or you happen to maybe have feelings for this certain pirate... LOL and Hetalia xover, Miss FortuneXSpain human AU . Crack pairing but not a crack fic.


**I'm really sorry for my severe inactivity. I just haven't had time this summer for writing much... I decided to not write any new stories until my others get completed. No matter how much I want to... XD**

**This was written about half a year ago and posted to my tumblr while I didn't have internet. I just decided to put it up here finally. The reason I didn't label it as a crossover is because I couldn't find the category for League of Legends and Hetalia. Ahaha...**

**No, I don't play LOL, but I've read Miss Fortune's story. I was totally inspired to write this because of it. Yup.**

**So enjoy.**

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No matter what you thought of the infamous pirate hunter, Sarah Fortune, you could not deny that she always got the job done. Even if it involved her putting herself in… Risky situations.

If dressing in a form-fitting black dress with a plunging v-neck and going into a bar full of unruly men was considered risky, of course. But for Sarah, it was all part of the job.

Her target that night was a short, blond-haired man. She had seen the pirate around before, and his bushy caterpillar eyebrows seriously creeped her out. It probably freaked out all the ladies, which was why she was dressed like she was. She figured he'd be desperate by now, and would jump at the chance to bed a girl.

"Hey cutie. How's it going?" she greeted as she sauntered over to him, swinging her hips seductively.

Instead of raising his head only high enough to eye her chest, which was what usually happened, the pirate raised his emerald eyes to look directly into Sarah's. He even _glared_ (What the hell? she thought. How insulting.).

"Bloody hell, who're you callin' cute? Men aren't cute, and I'm a man, damn it!" the man slurred.

Sarah suppressed a sigh. Great, he was _drunk_. Drunkards were always unpleasant to deal with—sloppy, unruly, smelly. She pulled out a chair and sat down without invitation. Putting her elbows on the table, she leaned forward so that he would have a good look down her dress.

"Oh just look at you. All sexy muscles and no fat," she purred, trying to push past the rough beginning. It was true that he didn't have fat—or anything on his scrawny body at all, in fact.

He eyed her for a moment before snorting. "Right, tha's a new one. Total bollacks!" he laughed.

His rejection of her was beginning to get annoying. What kind of man ignored a woman that was practically throwing herself at him? And a pirate, no less. Those disgusting creatures!

Speaking of the devil, a taller pirate that she was very familiar with appeared at the corner of her eye. Shit. He would blow her cover!

She draped her thick red hair over the side of her face, hoping to hide her identity from the Spanish pirate. If Antonio blew her cover, she was going to rip his balls off. With more a forced effort now, she refocused on the Brit in front of her, who had not noticed that she'd been distracted.

In fact, he was the one who seemed to be distracted.

"What's your name, handsome?" she asked, trying to keep his attention on her.

He gave her an impatient look, as if she was a fly that he wanted to swat. "Kirkland. Arthur Kirkland," he told her.

"What a nice name," she commented. She brushed the curtain of hair from her face to check on the other pirate. Of course she knew his name. He was the one she was going to bring in to jail, dead or alive, preferably the former. She cast an anxious glance at Antonio.

Shit, shit, shit! He was coming their way!

Arthur shrugged. "I suppose. It's the one me mum gave me," he said, nonchalant, taking a deep swig from his tankard. Some ale splashed out and landed on the front of his shirt..

She leaned forward now, desperate to move out of the open now. Maybe Antonio wouldn't say anything, but he had a tendency to do everything he could to ruin her damn job, so she didn't want to chance it.

"How about you and me go someplace more private?" she asked suggestively, reaching over to take his hand. Anything to get out and get this job done.

He moved his hand away. "No thanks," he said, sounding frustrated now. "Go away."

Her mouth dropped open in disbelief. Did he just outright _reject_ her? After she spent three hours just to look seductive enough for this damn pirate? No way! She was going to _kill _this Kirkland.

"You know what?" she hissed, standing up so fast that she knocked over her chair.

Arthur gave her an unimpressed look, obviously thinking that she was just some annoying woman. "What?" he asked in a bored tone.

She reached into the folds of her dress, where her faithful pirate-hunting pistols were hidden. It was about time to blow this infuriating, snobby, British bastard-pirate's head off. "I'll show you!"

Before she could actually "show him", a large hand settled on her shoulder. She jumped, snapper her head around to glare at the owner of the offending hand.

"Antonio! You bastard!" she cursed automatically.

The brunette man didn't even flinch, the cocky asshole. Instead, he gave Arthur a smile that they all knew was fake, even drunk Arthur.

"Do you mind not baiting dear Miss Fortune, Kirkland?" he asked in a threatening tone.

Arthur didn't even pretend to pretend to like Antonio. He glared at the tanned man. "Misfortune? That's quite an unfortunate last name!" he said with the loud, obnoxious laugh of a drunkard.

Sarah bristled. "My last name is Fortune, dumbass!" she said. Again, she had gone for her guns, except Antonio had slid his hands down to take hold of her wrists, preventing her from doing so.

"You could at least pretend to be the gentleman you _claim_ to be to _mi novia_," Antonio said.

Sarah glared. "What did you just call me?" she demanded angrily. The Spaniard just ignored her.

Arthur blinked a few times, scrutinizing Sarah. His eyes landed on her chest for the first time that night, and he laughed. "Oh, that's rich! I should've known you'd fall for a whore!"

Sarah broke out of Antonio's grip, reaching for her guns. She was going to kill that Englishman! The Spaniard beat her to the punch. Before she even grasped the handles of her twin pistols, and axe swung down hard.

Arthur yelped, falling backward out of his chair, knocking it over. The axe bit into the wooden table and stuck there. Antonio gave a thin smile.

"Watch your manners, Kirkland," he said.

Then he turned to Sarah. "Shall we go now, _señorita_?" he asked, holding a hand out for her to take.

Sarah scoffed, crossing her arms so he couldn't grab her hand. "The Spanish isn't going to work this time, jackass. I'll stay right here and finish my job," she said.

"Great, let's go~!" he said cheerfully, as if she had agreed.

"What? Hey! Put me down!" she protested as he swept her up into his arms, bridal-style.

"You can do your silly little pirate-hunting game another day, _amor_. It's been so long since I've seen you, so let's spend some time together," he replied.

"Bastard! It's not a game, it's my _job,_ and you just fucked it up!" she yelled, slapping at his shoulders.

Antonio chuckled. "Did you think you could really seduce Arthur Kirkland?" he asked in disbelief.

If looks could kill, Antonio would have gone to Hell and back with the glare the woman gave him. "Are you making fun of the way I look?" she hissed.

"No, no, dear. You're beautiful. It's just… Kirkland is gay," he said, grinning sheepishly.

For a moment, she was silent while she processed this information. Then she slapped him again. "Dumbass, I could have taken him by force then!" she said.

He raised an eyebrow. "You could have taken down the great Arthur Kirkland by yourself?" he asked, then gagged as if calling Kirkland 'great' made him sick to his stomach.

She grinned arrogantly. "Remember Shock and Awe?"

Antonio shivered, remembering her twin pistols of which she was so fond of. "Yes, I still have the scars from when you shot me with each one. Twice. In both legs," he said, grimacing at the memory. He had seen a lot of gore, and felt a lot of pain in his life, but nothing was as horrible as Sarah's pistols.

"You deserved it," she said as they entered a hotel, which was presumably Antonio's.

"I thought you'd appreciate that I was there for when you gave birth to our son," he said indignantly.

"You made me go through a world of pain, you sonovabitch!"

"I can't believe the hospital let you take your pistols into the birthing room…" he muttered.

"Speaking of births, where is Lovino, you bastard? If you took him on you ship with you, I swear I'll shoot your arms!" Sarah said, stepping forward and taking her pistols out of hiding.

"Of course not! I left him at home!" Antonio said hurriedly.

"You left him ALONE?!"

"No! I left Lovi with a cheerful little girl that he's really taken to," he told her.

Sarah gave him a distrustful glare. "Fine, but if I hear anything bad happens to him…"

A silence passed between them as Antonio entered his hotel room. She commented on it, and he shrugged and said that he was on official pirate business. Whatever that meant. She didn't really want to know. He dropped her on the bed and pulled up a chair for himself.

She bounced a little on the bed. "Well, you fucked up my job and kidnapped me. What now?" she asked.

Antonio pulled out a bottle of wine, grinning broadly. "We drink," he replied.

He poured out two glasses and handed her one. She gave him a nod as thanks and sipped alcoholic liquid.

"So, what's Lovino like?" Sarah asked after another minute of awkward silence.

Antonio drained his glass before answering. "He's a lot like you. Beautiful reddish-brown hair, the most beautiful big green eyes I've ever seen, and he cusses like a sailor. Or a pirate hunter in this case," he replied with another sheepish grin.

She glared at him. "I knew you'd make a shitty father," she spat at him.

He chuckled, and suddenly his face smoothed over into an uncharacteristically sorrowful gaze. "Why don't you come home sometime, and be his mother then?" he asked, without any real hope.

Sarah looked into her glass. Suddenly, the wine didn't seem like enough. She finished off her glass and held it out for him to refill.

"You know I can't," she said once her glass was full. She downed it in two gulps.

Antonio sighed. "I know, I know. You won't rest until you find the pirate who killed your parents."

She gave an earnest nod. "Exactly," she said, holding her glass out for yet another refill.

He blinked. "Are you sure you want to be drinking so much? You know you're a lightweight," he cautioned.

"Just gimme more!" she slurred out.

"This was how Lovino was made, remember?" he muttered as he poured yet more wine into her glass.

After finishing that glass, she felt well on her way to being drunk. "How long has that been again?" she asked, feeling pleasantly buzzed.

"Three years."

She winked. "I think it's about time we make Lovino a cute little brother, right?"

Antonio felt his cheeks burn with heat that only Sarah Fortune could cause. "Am I on your hit list?" he asked suspiciously. He hadn't done anything above radar lately, but he couldn't be too careful.

"Only if you want to be," she said suggestively.

He grinned. "Sounds good to me."


End file.
